Existence of Pride: You Believe In Something

I am beginning to know who "they" are. They are you, or better, me. They are you whenever you quote or believe them. Or better yet, they are you because you quote them and therefore believe them. I realize that I am my own fear. I am destiny. I am fault. I am cause. I am consequence. I am all the thoughts and perceptions that I fear, loathing, accept, embrace, fail to, and conquer. I am every expression withholding voice and concern.

I am everything but God and the reaper themselves. For I am my own thoughts, transposition into words, it begins with dialogue with self. I am hunger I am pain joy I often make or allow myself to cry. I laugh. Remember friend, this is all but an illusion. Why are you doing this? Why do you want to scare me? Why are you hurting me? Dialogue. Judgment. Self. Ask yourself, then get over yourself; pride, arrogance, self, arrogance. Yes, arrogance is at both sides of the continuum. On one side it is loud and boisterous and the other is silent. It is from within.

Pride is existentialism. There are indeed other elements, but pride is essential to exist. Those without it are at the bottom of the dominance hierarchy. Those with too much of it tend to be at the top. Sometimes they fall out of the loop altogether. Those without pride are not to be confused with the lower dominance hierarchy, such as slaves. Those who are forced into lower sector of the hierarchy.

In fact, I find that slaves and people in similar situations, like the poor in our society, tend to have a high level of pride, true and real pride, more than that of those who are at the top like greedy corporations. When am I not myself, when am I not myself?

One time I asked a young child. What pride is? She said, "Pride is like something you believe in yourself, and that you're not stupid." Great insight. I then asked her what is that “something”. She couldn't define it. I asked her what “sad” was? She told me that it was a feeling. I said what is a “feeling”? She answered that it is something that you feel. I pressed on... What is it? She replied, “sad". Again I asked, what is that? She then said she didn't know but then said, “It's something inside your feeling cells." Great insight. So I went on to explain that no one can define pride, sad, or at least the emotional parts. We should embrace it.

I spoke with a murderer last night. I asked him why he murdered or at least why he wanted to. He told me that it was simple. “Inner rage and attention”. I'm not sure if I convinced him yet, but I told him to stop his desires because he has that power, that choice. I think that he will soon come around. He said that he murdered or wanted to murder because of his pride. I asked him why he wanted to hurt others and himself. He told me it was payback because others had hurt him and he has hurt himself. It would make him proud to follow the golden rule. I have yet to ask and get deep enough to find out who hurt him and what they did, and also how he hurt himself. It seems that he wants to conquer hurt and pride with a new pride; the beginning of a cycle. It is all connected.

Pride characterizes and categorizes hate, shame, love, fear, anger, hurt, bliss... Harmony is allowed by pride. War is a result of pride, acting as a catalyst. We fight with and for pride. We share, console, empathize for someone else's pride to increase our own understanding of our own pride. Silence, like patience, is a virtue. It takes a lot of pride to be silent and patience to walk away. I'm sitting here silent except my thoughts and written word, and I was listening to my music but I was coerced into shutting it off to watch a movie. I like movies. It gives me a chance to be someone that I am not, but would like to be. I can play the role and get that feeling of fulfillment that I, or we, otherwise dream of. It's the opposite of a headache on a bad day. It's your birthday played all over again. It's like the first kiss even though you didn't enjoy it. Happiness is a condition, not a persona. We, you, I must work for it. And we do that with one thought at a time, one day at a time, one scene at a time, and one lifetime at a time. It is in dying that we restore life and living that we define death.