Judging People By Their Appearance: I Am Guilty: How Do Others Judge Me?
86Do You Judge Others?
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Do You Think You Are Judgemental?
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Most of us would not like to think of ourselves as judgmental people. We most certainly don't enjoy it when other people judge us or make comments about us that we don't appreciate. Judging people can lead to stereotypes, rumors, and ultimately hate. For some people, even receiving constructive criticism can tamper their ego.
As much as I hate to admit it, I find that I can often be judgmental towards others. Usually, my judgments are either in my head and kept silent or just shared with a few within earshot. Say, when driving in my car with my wife and children. Perhaps that is the worst scenario.
The worst part about my judging others is that it's usually really stupid comments that I make. I might see a lady walking down the street and her outfit doesn't fit or maybe it's just tacky. What is the point of me saying these things? I don't know her. She never did anything to me. Maybe she likes her style. Perhaps she makes her own clothing. Either way, what gives me the right to feel that I can judge people?
Sometimes I judge people on physical appearance. This has got to be the worst way to judge people. First of all, in most cases, people are born with their looks. If you think about it, a human being is God's art. We are only different than flowers, trees, and animals because humans are more special. God has given us the ability to use many gifts that no other creation has the ability to use. Language, writing, speech, emotions are some of the gifts we have been given. So if I judge somebody, am I actually judging God's work?
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As I sit and think about writing this hub, I'm trying to find the underlying reasons that I can be so judgmental. Well, growing up my parents didn't judge me. My parents were awesome when I was growing up and still are today. I never had a need or want. So no, I don't think my parents created a judgmental person.
I do have another relative, however, that is a bit older and I choose not to mention his status in the family hierarchy. Every Saturday we have dinner at my mother’s house. There is usually anywhere from 15 to 20 family members and friends that join us. Sometimes after dinner we all sit and watch TV together. That's when the judging begins!
We often watch the show "COPS" as it comes on Saturday nights in our area. This unnamed person has a comment for every single person that gets arrested. He even makes fun of the cops! “Look at that nose!” or, “Look at how fat that guys is!” This is often most of the conversation that takes place during these family television viewing episodes.
And so it hit me. I think I know where I got my judgmental attitude from. It's funny too, because each time I see him doing this, I often think gee, he has a comment for everyone! Now when I listen to myself, I have become the same person.
Essays and Poems by, J.S.Matthew
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- Politics: Where I Stand On Certain Issues
- A Critique of My Own Critisism
- Short Poems, by J.S.Matthew
- The Diamond: A Brief Story
- Rambling Essay
- Existence of Pride
- The Cycle of Depression: A Narrative
It doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with. Even if I don't say it out loud, I am still thinking bad thoughts about people. I find that I often judge celebrities. Maybe I am jealous of their success? I think that this makes me shallow. But I'm human and since I realize my problem, I think that I could fix it.
I realize that usually when someone is bullying or picking on another person, it is because of their own insecurities. I know that that's the case in my situation. I'm sure that everybody has things that they don't like about themselves, whether it is their appearance, part of a personality, or many other aspects of self.
Personally I don't like the idea that I'm very short for man. I was often teased in school because of my height. I'm also not as muscular as I would like to be and I have to admit, I'm a little chubby. When I was in middle school I remember some of my fellow classmates making fun of my nose telling me that it was large. Maybe I became judgmental because I was judged. Maybe it makes me feel better to make fun of other people. Whatever the reason, I want to change.
I will need to try to think of positive things about people instead of thinking negative. Maybe thinking about their background or their life situation, and realize how good my own situation is. I have to also realize that these people a part of God's family. God created them because he wanted to. I have no right to judge others as I will be judged someday by a Higher Power.
So, I know I won't be perfect, but from now on I would really like to try to be nicer to people both in my words and my thoughts. I started thinking about this recently because of all the awesome comments I have received on HubPages. All of these people who I do not know personally have wonderful and beautiful things to say to me, based on things that I have said and published in my hubs. This is what has made me decide to become a better person.
I want to start to view life as I view HubPages. I would rather judge people by what they say and do as opposed to judging them just on their looks. HubPages has been a wonderful experience for me to really perform an inventory of myself so that I can change the things that I think need changing. Fixing the Judgmental Person that I Became was the first thing on the top of my list! Now I have to Keep Moving Forward, All the Time!
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Very inspirational comment, Daydreamer! You write some very true words here.
It really is a shame to think that in this day and age people are hated on because of things like race, gender, and sexuality. What right do others have or, better yet, what makes them think that they are so superior to others that they are entitled to their judgement?
I totally agree with what you said that material "things" can't give hugs! And thanks for sharing the quote from Mother Teresa! That is true wisdom!
I am glad that we have connected here on HubPages! As I mentioned in this Hub, it's people like you and comments like yours that inspire me to be a better human! I am glad you enjoyed this read!
JSMatthew~
Hi JS, I couldn't have said it better but you're right, we could fix our judgmental attitudes. I'm so aware of this fact that whenever I find myself in the process of judging others, I immediately correct myself by saying positive instead. Thanks for penning this subject, it's a very touchy issue.
Thanks for the comment, Phildazz. It's funny. I published this Hub last evening and right after, I gave my friend a ride to the store. Guess what I did the whole way there? I told my friend about the Hub and we laughed. It really is hard to change this behavior! I appreciate your comment!
JSMatthew~
We all make judgments. I'm happy to say I don't make snap judgments. I don't reach conclusions about people based on how they look or are dressed, or anything like that. But after exposure to someone...I have judgments like anyone else. It's instinctual, I think. Nice food for thought.
up/useful and awesome
Thanks for adding your comment, Fay! You are lucky that you are not quick to judge!
JSMatthew~
I agree with much of what you say I think its human nature to judge people but I judge more on the actions of a person rather than the looks ..
Great advice, lilian1. Thanks for the comment!
JSMatthew~
Very open and honest hub! I agree with lilian1 that it is human nature to judge others. I usually judge people from there actions more than from their looks but I must say that I do notice how a person look and sort of make notes for myself. I am more of an observer and if anyone looks very strange or dress in a very special way I can wonder why since it do tell something about the person behind.
But you are right in saying that we shouldn’t judge people in a negative way. Very well done! Tina
Thanks, Tina! I appreciate your input!
JSMatthew~
I admit, I sometimes judge people harshly, at least in thoughts to myself. And I admit that I get p.o.'d when someone judges me. But I also must say that I judge myself very harshly too. That has to do with low self esteem.
I give you a lot of credit J.S. for putting this out there and saying that you wish to change. It makes me think about changing my ways too. Thanks!
Sharyn
Thanks for the comment, Sharyn's Slant! High self esteem is good to have. I hope that you can improve your self esteem. You are a great writer, you know! I am glad that this Hub got you thinking.
JSMatthew~
That was beyond awesome. I have been paying a lot of attention to judgementalness lately... sorry I don't think that is really a word... but the reason is, because I hate those little snide comments. It makes me cranky, it makes me feel bad. Granted, I am human and I catch myself doing the same things occasionally, but I try to refrain it. Maybe because I am around a lot of judgemental people who are making the comments.... my husband and my motherinlaw are really good at this. And when I hear them make these comments I keep thinking to myself "Talk about calling the kettle black!" My motherinlaw is overweight... yet, she thinks it is appropriate to cut down someone else who has weight issues. I have personally struggled with my own weight so I guess I get the horror. It sickens me.
I guess I just want to say... great hub! This is awesome and should be read by everybody!
Wow, thanks for the awesome comment, barbergirl28! I appreciate you sharing your experience with "judgementalness", which sounds like a good word to me!
My parents are not judgmental but both of my grandparents can be. My grandmother is more of a gossip person, where my grandfather represents the person I mentioned in this Hub!
Thank you!
JSMatthew~
Your very welcome... Good writing deserves a pat on the back. Even more so when you are trying to better yourself!
J.S. this is a wonderful, thoughtful article. It is difficult to see what is in another's heart, especially if we are judging the other person superficially.
I think when I judge another it is because I have not accepted something in myself. For me, it has much to do with whether I can see the Holy Spirit within myself or not. If I can see God dwelling within me, then I see God in all things, if I am out of touch with my personal divinity, then truth is more evasive.
Thank you again for this wonderful ariticle.
Up/Awesome
Blessings and light to you.
CreatePerfection, thanks for stopping by! It is true that when the Spirit is within you then you view things and people differently.
I try to think this way when I am judging someone-what would Jesus think of my behavior? I am glad that you came by and commented and voted! Blessings and peace to you as well!
JSMatthew~
I agree about that.
Thanks, mrkterhune.
JSMatthew~
Hi JS
What a thought provoking hub. Extremely well written and brave.
I find it kind of amusing (not in a bad way) how many people in the comments are also trying to change the judgemental behaviour about which you write. You see, I have also recently started paying attention to this in my own life.
I personally think that we don't learn our court room gavel mentality from someone but we all want to be part of the human "pack" and because everybody else judges, we try to be pre-emptive in our attack to redirect the spotlight to someone, anyone else. I think that's why celebrities feel the brunt most of all - They're already in the spotlight.
Thanx for a great read.
I appreciate you coming by from the comment that I left on your first Hub! We all need to focus on changing ourselves instead of trying to change others. Often, our thoughts about others is what we need to change!
I have made so many friends here from so many different cultures, countries, and situations. I am glad to have met you and I look forward to reading more of your Hubs! Thanks for the great comment!
JSMatthew~
Very good stuff!
I grew up learning to be judgmental, of course without realizing what it was, just thinking it to be normal. Sad. It was helpful to start realizing that it makes for better relationship if I focus on the positives instead of the negatives, but real help came from learning in God's Word that if I make Him my focus according to what He says in His Word then my problem with the judgmental attitude that you write of is solved.
Thanks for the awesome comment, RTalloni! When we seek help from God, he is always there. I try very hard to think of this when I start judging. I often feel ashamed and embarrassed when I criticize his work.
JSMatthew~
I was made fun of from K on right up until HS. I deflected it by making fun of myself however! I found it better than passing judgment on others while making it more difficult to be judged by others at the same time. It probably was not the best thing for my self-esteem but it did prepare me and strengthen me for the criticism and negative comments I would encounter in the future. I think in all honesty, I am just a highly sensitive person that tends to take things literally and to the heart and I just never quite developed that 'thick skin' I keep hearing about! Perhaps that is why I TRY so very hard not to judge others for whatever reason. So in effort to avoid it as much as possible I TRY to put myself in the other person's place! When that fails, I do what I always do, I ask God to forgive me and try harder the next time! ;)
Wonderful read! Great Hub!
raquelpier
raquelpier, Like you I am sensitive and often take things the wrong way. I can be a bit paranoid sometimes, and I think people mean something other than what they say.
I appreciate you reading and commenting!
JSMatthew~
In my observation. This is a great hub! You should be very pleased with yourself. I really enjoyed the lesson and the truth. take care
Thank you so much Jo_Goldsmith11. I always appreciate your wonderful comments!
JSMatthew~
Judging someone on appearances is a bit of a catch 22. I'm a business major, and when I was attending DeVry my focus was on human resources. Hiring and Firing :) In my most recent job I had great experience in hiring and training new employees. During interviews I often judged on appearance (of course many other factors were involved) but appearance is extremely important. I believe in always looking your best, because you never know who you're going to see or who will see you. If I see someone walking down the streets or in a grocery store in Pajamas yes, I judge. In my opinion they are not properly presenting themselves. This is a trait or appearance that can be changed, and I would never judge someone on an appearance they couldn't change I know how hard that can be. I have large ears and was teased as a kid. :)
Hello diydiva! I can agree with you that we present ourselves by the way we look. If we are unkempt we will be judged as such, particularly in the work field. I also agree that we should never judge people on their physical appearances because it is something we are born with and can't change. I appreciate your insightful comment!
JSMatthew~
Hi JSMatthew,
This hub is wonderfully written. I love your honesty and your sensitivity to others. I believe most of us can't help to make assumptions about others. We need to realize it's wrong to judge others without knowing them.
Voted up and awesome!!
This is a beautiful Hub that fits EVERYONE , your not the only one guilty of this sin, everyone in some form or fashion does the same thing and judges people whether it be on appearance , social status or weight , or even what house they live in , my ex husband use to be bad about it and then he rubbed off on me , and i was ashamed when i realized what i was doing and what i was saying and it sounds awlful coming from ones mouth too! , I am gonna say that i am proud of you and your Hub! i voted it all the way up all the way across the board , except funny , because this isnt at all funny , shallowness is horrible . Great Hub , wonderful write here! Yayy!:)
Yes, i too, agree to that.
What a cute honest man you are.
I appreciate it so dearly.
Thanks for sharing your genuine thought about it...
Voted everything up.
I had an electrifying comment today on this very subject. While we all pass judgement in some fashion, some people fail to understand that whether you're for or against a particular matter it's still judgement. Of course it is the unfavorable, or what appears to be the unfavorable comments to stimuli that raises questions and a few brows.
My Grandmother was someone who truly didn't say anything bad or indifferent about anyone. She always said that she didn't know how or if she'll need that person some day. Even if a person isn't privy to what's said, any comment made, can leave an impression on ANY person about YOU. So with that, I am trying, desperately trying to walk in my Grandmother's shoes and be more cognizant of how I express myself.
I have a theory that every time we choose to judge others, we lose a part of our self-dignity. Your hub made me think about that theory in a very pragmatic way. Thank you for writing it!
This is a very well thought out hub. It is unfortunate that people are judged by their looks and sometimes we make comments about others without even thinking. What gives us the right to judge others on their hairstyle or their clothing? What gives others the right to judge me? Perhaps we all need to look at ourselves first! I always say if you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all. I think making a nice comment about someone is okay!
I appreciate all the insightful comments from everyone! I have not been around much lately as I have been very busy but I appreciate each of your comments! Thanks for stopping by and sharing with me!
JSMatthew~
Hello J.S. First of all I commend you on your honesty. Not many will stand up and say I am this or that or need to change..What you have done is a wonderful thing. I think that when one has lived around the world that it opens them up to many different people. Some people who have stayed in the same surroundings can be sheltered somewhat. I do believe it does come from a place of the unknown but unwilling to get to know what is outside of their box. You brought up some great points. I think no one should ever be judged on their looks or beliefs. I think the golden rule stands..
Thanks again,
Sunnie
Great hub! I'm so glad I saw it. The comments you made about having your family member over and all the judging that ensues is exactly what happens at our house. Judging is like a virus you have to be careful not to catch. I let my youngest charge me 25¢ every time I say something bad about other drivers when I am driving. He makes about 50¢ a ride. It's definitely not my shining moment.
@Sunnie Day: I think if we are honest with ourselves many of us can identify with being judgmental. It is human nature. What adds to it is all the advertising and social media that subconsciously tells us what is beautiful and normal. Even in biblical times, people that where considered "lesser" were often shunned from society. This included widows and people with physical disabilities. Some societies even considered the afflicted as "possessed". It's very sad. It is still the same in many areas of the world but in western society, I think we base our opinions on what the media dictates as the norm. I agree with the Golden Rule! Thanks for the awesome comment!
JSMatthew~
@Chasing Riley: I am glad that you found this Hub too! It is uncomfortable to be around those we love who offer their (negative) opinions freely. I think being "charged" for your cursing is good; it teaches you restraint while teaching your youngest that this behavior is not acceptable. As there are rewards for good behavior, there should be sanctions for bad behavior. I think that you are doing a great thing! Thanks for stopping by!
JSMatthew~
In my life I was always different from the others around me. What were my preferential clothing, if you want to call animal skins clothing, wasn't allowed most places I went in "the real world". I still prefer my hair very long although it no longer looks good on me or fits my profession.
I was taught to look for the beauty in nature and anything around me including people. When talking to people face to face I often find a quality to comment on. If your constantly looking for the good everything else falls away. As the sky turned from a beautiful light blue to a murky brown I was still able to find beauty in it. I did however move somewhere blue is the color I see.
My language was different from the world around me, and to this day English is a backwards language to me. There were many people who put me down for this.
Up until six months ago I was "afraid" to write articles. It usually takes me a long time even now because I am constantly rethinking how a sentence should be structured. Both the Cherokee and Spanish languages put their words together differently than the English do.
I was "hidden away" for years because my legs are steel and rubber. No one wanted me in public. After my father died I decided I didn't care who didn't want to see me, I go where I want and do as I please. If the people around me "put me down" or have nothing to do with me it's their loss.
As each thing changed in my life there was always someone around who gave me encouragement that I would not only cope but excel in anything I chose.
After I became wheelchair bound and had a lousy sense of balance my father hired a bucket truck to put me back on a roof. My last business partnership had been in the roofing trade. I was just tied to the roof and learned how to do it all over again. Once, before I was tied I fell 20 feet. I chose to get back in the bucket and finish the job.
Roofing suited me better than carpentry which he (my father) had trained me to do from childhood. My preference is to move from job to job quickly. When you are adding a room or building a house this isn't possible.
Both are a far cry from my life today. I live in front of a computer. Now however it's my choice.
I really don't care who puts me down. I know what I am worth and what I am capable of. When I set my mind to something I never give up.
One example was my fight to drive again. I went through two years of constant pain, without medication, to get my legs working well enough to have all restrictions removed from my drivers license.
To this day the lightest touch to my legs or lower back will put me on the floor if I am standing. Yet I choose to live with a house full of children. The reason for this is their honesty. They truly are sorry when their touch is what puts me on the floor. I have never felt this from any adult.
Most of my life has been spent being judged by others. The last laugh is mine. In spite of judgement I have constantly become a better person.
wheelinallover that is quite a comment! I want to grow my hair very long but I don't have a job that suits it (my boss won't allow it) and if I was to look for a better job, my chances are slimmer if I grow it out. Once I am comfortable I will not cut my hair, even though I have a weird hairline (receding) and my hair is very wavy and wild.
Your insight for finding beauty in dark places is awesome. I wish I could be more like that. I am a bit familiar with Spanish (and French and Khmer, language of Cambodia) and can understand how English appears backwards to some degree.
I am glad to hear that in spite of your physical situation, you are motivated to move on and care less what people think. I am sure there are stares, but maybe it is more in awe that God has such diversity in his creation.
It is always good to have encouragement from people around us, whether they be friends and family or total strangers; that is one of the best thing about being a member of the community here on HubPages. People "get" you and support you based on what you say, as apposed to how you look.
I commend your bravery and dedication for getting back on the roof. I am not sure that I could do the same. Finishing the job shows the type of person you are.
You are right; the last laugh is yours! Enjoy it when it comes. I appreciate your comment and insight and I am happy to be connected to you on HubPages. I wish you all the best!
JSMatthew~
I am so guilty of being a critic! Afterwards I get that lingering guilt and shame for it as well... and lets be honest, I am less than kind to myself in the mirror as well. Poor me...
I suppose all this judging made me feel I was able to criticize and judge not only those around me but myself as well? ...as if I can control how God made me? (that was my favorite part of your Hub, about how God made in his image, and here we are judging each other)... we have a lot of nerve!
I think after awhile on this earth, materialism affects us all whether we like it or not; but I agree that recognizing this flaw in our selves is a good thing, and so we can choose to disengage from these unkind and unhealthy behaviors.
I really Loved your Hub. Thank you for the wonderful read, you really got my synapses going! :)
Hello PeanutButterWine! I can relate to the feelings of guilt when we cast judgement on others. It is because deep down we know it is wrong. We are made in God's image and we have no right to judge others that don't live up to our "standards". Someday, we too shall be judged! I am glad that you enjoyed reading this and also for leaving such an insightful comment!
JSMatthew~
Very thought provoking article. A good reminder to all of us on the need to examine the kinds of thoughts we have and question and temper them if they don't fit our better self. Children tend to see things in black and white (no gray areas) because they don't have the wisdom gained in years where we hopefully, have learned to have empathy and tolerance of others.
You make a great point GClark! Thanks for the insightful comment!
JSMatthew~
There is a lot of this going around lately and you did well to bring it to our attention. Thank you JS
I went to lecture on economics at a college a few years ago wearing my usual jeans and a shirt and carrying a sports bag with my notes in it.
As I walked in the receptionist asked me to follow her and she led me to the basement and pointed at the boiler?
I explained who I was and she almost melted with embarrassment. Judge not lest ye be judged.
Hello molometer! I agree that there is a lot of judging going around lately. That is a funny story! I have had professors that wore jeans and if you didn't know they were a professor, you would have no idea. We shouldn't judge on appearance solely, although appearance can be important (say, a job interview). Thanks for sharing your story and leaving a comment! I always appreciate your comments!
JSMatthew~
Very thought-provoking Hub. While I read it I thought that it is impossible for a human being suspend a judgment, but then I understand that you probably know this: you want to change this judgment, or better you want to change your personal approach with the people you meet, right?
Whatever are the your reasons ( and I would to say that we all maybe should do a reflection about the role of television in our life ) I want to give you a suggestion that to me works: when I meet a person I try to think on his/her core. What think this person when he/she is alone? What are his/her values? In this way I become curious, in a good sense.
Thanks for sharing your reflections.
That is very inspiring fucsia! That is a great way to stop and think before we start the judging. I will try this the next time I start to judge! Thanks for the comment.
JSMatthew~
Voted all the way across except for funny! We do need to be careful of judging God's creations for sure.
Hello homesteadbound! It's good to hear from you! Thanks for all the votes and for your comment! Judge not, for so shall you be judged! Thanks for stopping by!
JSMatthew~
A lot of truth in this Hub.....thx 4 share
Thanks loveofnight! I appreciate your comment! Thanks for stopping by!
JSMatthew~
Wow, you sure received a lot of comments on this hub. I enjoyed your thoughts on this subject. Voted up and awesome.
Hello again Pamela! I sure do love comments, and you have been a great commentor! Thanks for the votes and comment. I do appreciate it very much!
JSMatthew~
Your article has really interested me.The proverb "Do not judge a book by its cover" is an apt quote.
Hello jeugenejohn! It is so true. Many times when I have judged someone on their appearance, once I get to know them I realize that my judgments were so wrong! I appreciate you stopping by!
JSMatthew~
the whole thing is stupid... judging people and even rejecting people based on appearance. I have lines under my eyes. it doesn't mean i'm an alcoholic or a druggie. yet i i think they r judging me as a party type. even though i'm in my 30s.
Hello tony! I totally agree! I really don't understand why people judge or feel the right or need to do so. I think that it is because of one's low self esteem that they have to judge or bully someone else to make themselves feel better. Don't worry about what others say. Be proud of who you are and what you look like! You are special and God made you for a reason. Don't let people get you down! Thanks for stopping by!
JSMatthew~
Daydreamer Too 13 months ago
Sadly, and because we've built them up into the superstars that they are, we live in a 'celebrity' world now where everyone wants to be famous and looks have become far more important than the beauty on the inside. We all tend to judge others, none of us is perfect after all but, the good thing is, pulling ourselves up when we finally realise we're doing it and, making an effort to stop. Being judged for my sexuality at times, I know how it feels to be judged when people don't even know my heart so, I do try not to judge others because, unless we walk in their shoes how do we know what they endure. I try to teach my late partner's child, that even the richest people in the world can be the loneliest or saddest because money can buy plastic looks, nice clothes, houses, cars, all manner of 'things' but, it can't hug you when you need a hug, it can't comfort you if you need to be comforted. It can't tell you it's proud of you when you accomplish something that makes you feel great. It can't tell you that you are loved and, being loved is everything, if we are loved, everything else comes to us. As Mother Teresa once said: "If you're busy judging others, you have no time to love."
A great, thought-provoking read, thank you.