JS Matthew Red Pen Rambling Essays: Poems and Redpen Writing Thoughts About The Past
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Have You Ever Been Depressed?
See results without votingThursday, October 27, 2005
I started writing because I find it therapeutic. If I was not able to write, I would go insane. I just realized that this journal that I'm writing in has a sticker on the front page. It says, "Journal. 256 pages. Made in China. Acid-free paper." I was wondering how many pages were in this book. I've had this book well over two years now maybe more. I'm not surprised that it was made in China – I bet a little kid made it. That sucks. I feel bad for those kids that have to work in sweatshops.
I'm writing in red pen because I grabbed a pen from the draw and I thought it was blue. You know those voices? One is conscience, the other is defeat? All the rest of them are random, taken from the images and sounds we have picked up through our experiences in life. Thank God I shut the light off. It was really bothering me. It made me kind of paranoid. Well, I spoke with; rather, looked for the murderer again today. He has left. Or maybe he died. I am glad for that. I don't want to know him anymore and I never did. I hear in fear, every time a car drives by.
When the grandfather clock strikes, I jump. I ate an Italian grinder, cold for supper tonight. I'd like to finish school. I am smart and could get my Masters degree except for the cost of it. I have the urge to talk about drinking. But I don't think that I will. I am not drunk enough. It's 10:45 PM and I just dropped off cigarettes and cash. Where did I get that $20 anyway?
I miss Saturday. The only thing that I want out of this is commitment, knowing that no one else will have her, flirt with, kiss, touch and all that. I was the one who did good. I thought I made her better. She told me she could breathe when she was with me. But now she is exactly where she was when we started, give or take. I am sad, sad, sad, and always sad. I have been for years. I think I have bugs in my ear because they always spontaneously itch. Why do I love and miss her?
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Why? I don't get it. The situation I was in before was very similar. The endings are similar; her, with control, threatening me to go away. Or else. Why can't I have that one true thing that is mine, for better or worse, rich or poor, till death do us part? I think they are here now... No, it was just my sister. She's awesome. Getting back. Where was I? She is so irrational and unfair. She thinks that because I have made mistakes involuntarily that she in turn can hurt me and do whatever she wants. I have become her emotional slave.
The word "create" is similar to "react" in the spelling. Write the two words side-by-side and stare at them. They are not exactly the same, but are similar. I take note of this as I flip through this Journal. Very weird, there are 256 pages in here, 365 days in a year, but still, this journal is empty even though I have had it for so long. There are words here, but the pages remain blank. There was a TV show that she wanted me to watch. I waited vigilantly and watched it. She was asleep. At least I held my end.
I wish she had patience.
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Poems and Essays of J.S.Matthew
- Short Poems, by J.S.Matthew
A Brief Collection of original poems by J.S.Matthew - There's Nowhere For Our Kids To Play: Depletion of Land and Over Population
I have seen a lot of big changes in the environment and the way children play these days.There's nowhere for our kids to play! All the woods have been cut down to add more houses to our neighborhoods. Our kids are addicted to media like the Internet, - Politics: Where I Stand On Certain Issues
This Hub is not intended as a History Lesson, so I just want to say one thing before we get started.The nature of people and societies is based on a few factors: Survival, Expansion, and Greed . This is my opinion-but when you search throughout Histo - Religious Themes in Horror Movies
One thing I noticed about my own film reviews is that most of them are horror movies and many of them share similar themes regarding Religion; many of these movies have influence from Christian (mostly Catholic) Religions... - The Cycle of Depression: A Narrative of A Person Going Through Bad Times
This is an essay on the personal experience of a person dealing with depression: Today I feel like I am very close to rock bottom. I had a long day today and it did not go well. I'm going nuts. I am so sad that it hurts. I know that I shouldn't, but - Pedestrians: An Essay on Etiquette
I live in a small city. There are quite a few dangerous intersections within our city and one of those intersections claims some kind of accident every 4 days. That's bad. What's worse? Many of the accident's that occur involve pedestrians. - When Is Murder Legal? About Life and Personal Issues and Other's Reactions
In 1992 my grandfather was brutally murdered. He was beaten to death by 3 so called "friends" of his (they used his own golf club that he tried to defend himself with and they robbed him of what little money he had laying around). He was so severely - Why Do People Hate Each Other?
Hate...Such a strong and overused word: "I hate the rain", "I hate black licorice". We use this word every day. Think about it; what are some of the things that you hate? When was the last time you used that word? (I bet it was today!) - Respect In The House: A Short Essay For Kids
We did not build or pay for this house; our grandparents weren't even alive yet when it was built. We enjoy the privilege of paying rent to inhabit this dwelling. We must respect this house, as it is old, and strive to create positive Karma and energ - Rambling Essay
There are so many variables that dictate the outcome of life. There are empty beds, headaches, and lost wages that we take like a pinch, just to know that they are real. There is the everyday pain-and-suffering, the cause onto which we exist – and al - Living In Peace...
In the ancient Hindu epic, the "Ramayana", there is a passage where Rama, a young prince who is believed to be God born as a human being, is supposed to be made King the next day, and his people are the Happiest people in the world because they love - Existence of Pride
I am beginning to know who "they" are. They are you, or better, me. They are you whenever you quote or believe them. Or better yet, they are you because you quote them and therefore believe them. I realize that I am my own fear. I am destiny. I am fa - The Diamond: Is A Brief Story of This Most Beautiful Rock
One time, I told a story. It started on a long journey where I had met a woman. I was a little afraid to walk up to her but I did. She was resilient, and so I walked, and walked, and walked. I swam in the ocean and walked on the streets. Then I walke - Judging People on Their Appearance: I Am Guilty: How Do Others Judge Me?
Most of us would not like to think of ourselves as judgmental people. We most certainly don't enjoy it when other people judge us or make comments about us that we don't appreciate. Judging people can lead to stereotypes, rumors, and ultimately hate. - Tips In How To Maintain A Healthy Mind and Body Essay
It has been said that the mind is a terrible thing to waste. This is very true and research suggests that the body and mind have a distinct relationship with each other, teaming up to repel and fight against deadly disease and other malice. The mind - Why Does America Love War? Review of Addicted To War, by Joel Andreas
A summary of American Wars and Conflicts throughout the country's young history. This article includes charts and time-lines of confrontations around the world, references to money spent on funding these wars, and a reflection of the book, "Addicted
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ThoughtSandwiches, after you left this comment, I went to your Hubs and I was so impressed! Your use of language, grammar, and prose is phenomenal. I really enjoyed your comment and I appreciate you reading this. This is not the typical writing style I usually publish on HubPages. I am usually less personal. Thank you so much for your comment! I am now following you.
JSMatthew~
It's always interesting to see how a writer's internal thought processes work. Voting this Useful and Interesting.
Great hub! I know where you are coming from.
@alocsin: Thanks for the comment and the votes! I appreciate it!
JSMatthew~
@Dexter Yarbrough: Thank you for stopping by! I appreciate your comment!
JSMatthew~
Two people cannot come to terms unless both are willing to bend. Hopefully each person can have enough flexibility to bend without breaking. Keep trying, things that come easily are not usually worth much.
Thank you for the insightful comment, Mike! I appreciate you reading!
JSMatthew~
Ive never tried just writing down my random thoughts this way. It seems very interesting. I'm going to give this a go....
Wow. Very interesting. Almost Faulkner-like, with one though running into another. I like it. Interesting style!
@Isin82: Go for it! This was the way I used to write all the time in my journals. When I started on HubPages, I changed my style to "conform" to article writing. This was fun though!
JSMatthew~
@Victoria Lynn: Thanks for the awesome comment! I appreciate it!
JSMatthew~
Writing has always been therapeutic for me too JSM, I wish I would have started getting my thoughts out on paper/computer a long time ago! Good article, rated up and awesome!
I love your red pen rambling!
I am only just discovering how theraputic writing is, since I joined HubPages, I wish I had started writing years ago.
Great, rated up.
@Chatkath: I appreciate your comment and votes! Never stop writing!
JSMatthew~
@Movie Master: Writing is such a release of tension, stress, and hidden feelings and emotions. Thanks so much for the awesome comment! Don't sweat the past, just move on and keep writing!
JSMatthew~
A really interesting piece of work. I can find about 10 fiction or horror stories from the three different sections you rambling wrote. Really cool. I voted up! :))
Thanks Jo! I appreciate you stopping by! Thanks for the vote up!
JSMatthew~
I totally enjoyed the glimpse inside your head :) I love hearing the random thoughts of others because then my own don't seem so strange. We all start with a red pen, move to life lessons, hear a bump in the other room, think about the love of our life, and end up back at the pen. Thanks for sharing!
Hello Ardie! It is always good to hear others' random thoughts so that we know that we are not crazy (or maybe to reinforce that we are! lol). I appreciate your comment! Congrats on becoming a Greeter! Thank you for stopping by!
JSMatthew~
ThoughtSandwiches Level 7 Commenter 9 months ago
I enjoy the workings of your inner monologue J.S.. I have similar bouts of randomness that I invariably jot down on even more random post-it-notes. I'm glad your thoughts made it out to the rest of us! Thanks. I voted up and interesting.